| 1. | Psychiatry. a mental disorder characterized by systematized delusions and the projection of personal conflicts, which are ascribed to the supposed hostility of others, sometimes progressing to disturbances of consciousness and aggressive acts believed to be performed in self-defense or as a mission. |
| 2. | baseless or excessive suspicion of the motives of others. |
The printer for all the computers in the lab. Just like a photostat machine.(but not for photostating purposes)
The computer lab.
The textbooks(reference books) here are all international books! And it is quite expensive. My friend who is studying A-level in another college in Lembah Beringin there said that his books are also quite expensive. Nowadays books are expensive. Even secondary reference books are expensive too. Ranging from RM30+ to RM 50+. But the lecturer said that the textbooks are not compulsory to buy but is encourage to buy la. Since my chemistry lecturer said that the book will use till the undergraduate level so I am considering to buy. But I still think it is quite expensive lo.
Later I discovered that there is a shop just opposite the Taylor college that sells ‘cheap’ books. But they only cater for Taylor student. Meaning they only sell A-level books and SAM books. Don’t know whether they got sell those international books. Why books are so expensive. Can God please give me some extra cash$$$. Haha!!!
Maybe this is like waiting the sky to rain gold but I hope miracles happen. I really don’t know how ‘luck’ works. Some people may win the lottery and some are born with a silver spoon. So this ‘luck’ or ‘faith’ thing, how does it work. Is getting a scholarship related to luck too?
Can the God tell me about this. Maybe when I am sleeping, then God might give me a dream about how this luck works. Showing me how the process of all this thing. Is it possible? But who will believe me if I tell them I chatted with God in my dreams! (Will you?)
Talking about textbooks then suddenly can change the topic to money! Is there anything that is not related to money. (Not abstract one ok!)
Money money money… All human are living just to earn money. I think this whole earth is about economy. Human exist to keep the economy rolling! Haha. Human earn money then spend it. This is all about economy. By the way, although I am studying Engineering but after I got my master in engineering, then I’ll take up MBA. Hopefully things will work out for me. Ambitious right! You won’t understand me unless you know me ( well ). Knowing me well means you will know what am I up to and what are my goals. What am I planning to do and I think only me who know myself well. Nonsense right! Haha.
Same entrance. From here you can see the stairs just behind the doors.
When walk into the hall, the stairs is in the middle of the hall. Just like a roundabout. If want to go to my room, take the 12 o’clock exit.
Then you will see this.
Open air walkway. My room is the first door on the left.
The door.
I am standing in front of my door. Walk straight to go to the pantry. The light there is to walk to the outside.
I scared I might get depression. I miss my home. I know I am 18 but still I don’t know why I still feel like I need my family to be with me all the time. I just don’t know why. Well, being 18 doesn’t mean anything. I am still a young human. Only 18 years of age. What do you expect from me. Being 18 is responsible for oneself action, but this doesn’t mean I don’t need my family anymore. I just hope things will turn out to be fine.
What does independent means? If it means the ability to take care of oneself, then I am independent. But that doesn’t mean you can’t be homesick. I always know that family is the one that will be true to you. They will always love you and care about you. Sadly some human doesn’t know that.
I feel homesick is because my family always give me a lot of loves. Suddenly I came to this place and I can’t be with them makes me very hard to ‘breath’. They always give me oxygen. The only way to gasp for air is to phone my family or send some messages to them. That’s why I need to change my phone’s service provider to digi. The rate is much much cheaper. So I can get some oxygen easily and feel less pain.
Coincidently, I am listening to Michael Jackson’s “You Are Not Alone”. Maybe God wants to tell me that. I know I am not alone.
Besides, I still haven’t find any real friends over here. Finding a real friend is not easy. The criteria of a real friends is able to tune in the same frequency. But I hope there is someone that meets my criteria out there. That’s why I keep on thinking about my secondary school life. They truly are my best friends.
Classes are going to start soon, so I hope I can try to concentrate on studies and not think about this matter. But no matter how hard I try, when I come to my room, I will feel the same all over again. Loneliness! I seldom go out of this room. Why? Not going to explain…
And again coincidently, this song is playing-ä¸ºä½ è€Œæ´» (I live for you). Hope I translate it correctly. What is God telling. I live for who? I live for myself?
Next song-I Will Always Love You. I will always love my family and friends!
This post will be very long because I am very emotional.
- feel very down
Well, I cried and I am very down. But don’t worry, during the induction, the counsellor said this is normal.
I just have to get through it. But can I. Am I capable of doing that?
I remember everything everyone told me (well not everything I suppose), but I remember when I was small, I wanted to go out all the time, so someone told me to be more “qi ga” [粘家] (in Cantonese of course). So now I think I “qi ga too much” le. I am being very childish.
Beside emotional, I am very free. Nothing to do, so this post will be very long. I thought I am a very friendly person and I am, but making new friends all over again. This takes times.
And the education system here is very different from my secondary school one. This is based on the British system. Need time to adapt.
Another problem is having lunch and dinner. Food here is way too expensive for me! So I rather eat biscuits. Is biscuit a kind of junk food. Eating junk food for my dinner. Is it healthy? Of course not! But I really very lazy to go and buy food at the cafe although it is not far from here. But I really don’t like eating here. I think I prefer to go out to eat. Maybe another reason is lack of friends. No one to go and eat with. But mostly is me who reject to go out to eat with them. Saving money here! No no, is dieting!
Song playing-“I am who I am!” Haha. Nothing can change me! Biscuit is my life starting from now! Thanks to my cousin who inspire me to drink Milo and biscuit for dinner. My cousin more terrifying, he only drinks Milo for dinner.
Don’t know what’s wrong with my player, keep one playing emo songs! Now playing- I Live My Life For You
Classes going to start tomorrow.
Wish Me Luck and All The Best!
12-07-09 10:55p.m.
7th of July, I went to KL. I packed all my things on the night before. I brought so many things. 2 boxes of goods and 2 bags of clothes. And still not finish yet. I also brought a pail full of things, mostly is detergent. And some foods… I am so nervous and scared. I cried. I will surely miss my mom and my home sweet home. As I said before, family is the one who care the most of you. I am scare of being alone. All this while, I always mix with a certain kind of friends in secondary school. During secondary time, I mix with a lot of people because secondary life is the most carefree life. Nothing to worry because all you need to do is to study hard and play hard. That’s all. We also stay with our family who always help us to do all our things. But for some of my friends, they are very independent. Since primary, they know how to take of their stuff and their life. I envy them because they can live on their own. Now is my time to be independent. I went through so many ups and downs then only I can come to here. I am going to start a real journey. A journey that will decide my future. I will definitely work hard and will do the best of the best that I can so that I won’t let my family down. I always tell myself after I decided to come here, “must study hard get good grade and get scholarship”
After being rejected for so many times. I decided to come here. I will continue my journey-a new one, with new hope, new energy and new friends.
But this journey is so different from my expectation. I need to be more independent. Unlike studying in the previous college which I choose to let it go. I can always go home during weekends. But that is not what I wanted. I always dream of going overseas to start a new life. Sitting down here, typing this blog makes me feel so alone. I never felt this way before. I am so far away from home. But not as far as some student here who came all the way from Africa. But yet to me it is consider far. I miss hope already when I reached KL on the 7th. But by that time my dad is still with me.
Today, the 9th of July, I registered and checked-in to the hostel already. I am now staying with a new roommate from north too. I am glad to have him as my roommate and not some other people. Because he is from the north too. Simple as that. I think my phone need to reload regularly from now on, because I call home frequently. I will change my service provider to Digi because it has a better rate and my mom is using Digi too. So it will save me a large sum of money. I need to save as much money as possible because I really don’t want to burden my family so much. Studying here is not easy for me and my family. So will try to find some work during semester break.
I will try to concentrate on my study more and get to know some new friends. Starting a new life in a new environment is not easy! But it is not that hard too.
Wish me luck and take care for those who is reading my blog.
