To be frank

Decided to go to kmp[kolej matrikulasi perlis]. But when I first step on to the field of kmp, where my dad parked his car, I still felt unsure whether this is the right choice or right path for me. Some of my friends were very happy to come to here. But I am the opposite.

I always hope that I can have a better future. I always wanted to go to overseas to further my studies but the only way to do that is to get a scholarship from psd! But I didn't get it. I have one question, I wonder how the psd runs the selection process. I am not complaining but is just that I am curious about this whole scholarship thing. What are the criteria to get it. Am I not up to the standard to get it.

So, now I am still thinking about the same old question, is this the right path for me! I am so vexed right now.

18 years old and I already feel the tension of making a decision. What about in the future. I feel so vexed because I always think of others before me, this is how I think. I'm scared! Am I being selfish? Or this is the way it should be! Always think of yourself first! I know this is my future but I also know that my decision will affect others future!

To be frank, I really want to be selfish for once in my life! But how will the others think of me. I always care how others will think about me. Is this wrong? People will say "don't care about how others might think about you". I understand that I can't control what people think. So now I will try to ignore them. I don't care whether will they judge me or not!

I don't judge so please don't judge me if you are not me!

You don't understand how I feel and the circumstances that I need to consider.