My semester 0

I am home and finally have the time to review back my uni life.

I realized that my life had changed a lot. 

In term of thinking, I noticed that I tend to think a lot. All this thinking had made me very pressure. I think too much?

Physically, I lost weight. My friends also noticed that I lost weight. Lost weight is good, but the reason I lost weight is the opposite. I didn't have the chance to have a good  meal almost everyday. Some more the food is not nice to eat and too expensive for me.

There are lot of work. So many work to do in so little time. I had to finish all the things by myself. I want to finish my works everyday and do not want to postpone anymore. I have to have principle in my studies. I do not want others to affect my studies. I just do not know why people are so hard to cooperate.

There are a lot of negative energy around, especially during weekends, all the students went back to home, but I have stay in the campus. The feeling is so horrible. Feeling of homesickness arose again Haiz...

This coming semester is even worse, longer period of time. I can only go back to home on December. I was more focus last time, maybe because last time I stay with family. Now is totally different. This time I have to be independent. This is the way of life, we have to grow. !!! 

Now I have more freedom, but too much freedom makes me feel lonely.

Whatever I type, there is always a "but". This shows that I think a lot. I think too much about consequences. Thus I am a very careful person. My friend told me I am too rational. Hmm, too rational. Is it good or bad? People have to be rational, but I am too just rational... I over did it. (comment about this) I have no idea what am I suppose to think about this? 

Time flies, this is so true. Each day just pass by without telling me. I can't differentiate when is when. Day or night, lunch or dinner, or even bedtime of wakeup time... I was so lost. I have to set so many alarms. My phone, alarm clock, and I installed a alarm in my computer. 

Post it notes are very important. Remind me what to do. I was in a mess. I need to stick notes around my "comfort zone" to remind me what to do. This mess thing is contagious. There is this person who was in a mess, always saying this quote, "I am in a mess". Later I am the one who is in a mess. 

Retail therapy. This is so good. The way I relax. I was so stress out. To distressed, I went shopping after my final test. I felt so happy, which I had not felt this way for 2 months and 2 weeks. After that I felt bad as I had spend money just to relax. Although I limit myself but still spending money is what I am always worried about. I keep track all my expenses everyday. Worrying too much again!

I am so paranoid. I worry too much. So I am telling myself that I have to be better that before. I need to do better. I can do it! Yes I can!