Looking Back At The Road Not Taken

I went back to my secondary school a week ago and surprisingly I was nervous. I walk straight into the office to check for the certificates. But sadly, the Ministries of Education still haven’t sent that piece of paper to our school yet!

It has been a year since I finished my SPM. After taking the results, I was so happy for what I had achieved. But I have no idea my future would turned out to be like this. I was hoping, not I actually, my family and I was hoping to get a scholarship. I prepared so many things to apply for the major scholarship but all said no. GAH!!! I wanted to go overseas so I applied for the JPA scholarship. But this also disappointed me! I was so frustrated at that moment. I do not know where else I can go. Form 6 is one of my options but again the government sent me to matriculation. SAD. So my name was not in the form 6 list anymore. I was not prepared for matriculation. I had no idea what was that. I did not know what to do. I was so lost.

I did not expect to go for this road. I never expect I will go to a private university. I said this during secondary time, " private school is not for me, those school are only for rich people.” Now I take it back. I am sorry if this statement offended you. I also feel a bit offended. Haha. I said that mainly was because I only know one path to a degree. In my mind, there is only form 6 and public universities. But after the results, I really wanted something else, something that can offer me to somewhere better with better prospect. Well maybe I am really not good enough for the government. In the agreement of the JPA scholarship stated that upon graduation, the student have to work with the government for a period of time. Maybe I am not up to par.

I went back to my ex-school and the feeling of belonging was not there anymore. I am not a part of Keat Hwa. I was but not anymore. I thought of going back to Keat Hwa because matriculation is so not for me. I struggled before I decided to leave KMP. Seriously, that is one of the hardest decision I had ever made and I know there is more to come as life is really full of obstacles. I really did not think of going to private universities. I am sure my secondary friends know that. *I hope* But some just do not understand the “things” behind my decision. You are not me.

Keat Hwa is really a good school to live your secondary school life, full of adventures and it is always a challenge to be a student in this school. If someone lost his aim, he is not a student, he is the “hero” of the school. In my 5 years of secondary school life, I had observed most of the thing in the school and it was interesting.

When I met with the form 6 student, I was feeling awkward. The stares –.- and the whispering, maybe I am just too sensitive. Maybe because my hair. FYI, that school is like a military school. --- crew cut--- but form 6 student are exempted from this rule. Or maybe is just me being too self conscious.